Don Schula, former coach of the Miami Dolphins NFL team got it right.
Replace the negative thought “I want to be liked” with “I want to be respected.” That would be the leadership advice from Don Shula, the Hall of Fame football coach of the Miami Dolphins — and the only professional football coach to coach a professional football team to an undefeated season.
Schula had a conversation with a reporter that went something like this:
Reporter: “I hear that you’re a ‘players’ coach.’” (Meaning he was well-liked by his players.)
Coach Shula: “I couldn’t care less if my players like me; I want their respect, not their friendship.”
When is respect more important than being liked? It’s more important when …you’re leading an organization or team, certainly more important when parenting children and certainly when you’re helping people become more than they believe they can be.
Coach Shula’s perspective changed my thinking, both as a high-performance executive coach and as a dad. When I’m helping executives and entrepreneurs become high-performers, I can see their potential and what holds them back. There will be times when I need to confront them and push them through their limiting beliefs — way past their comfort zone. I’ve learned to be comfortable being temporarily disliked, but respected.
If you want to be a high-performance leader, getting over needing to be liked is vital. However, it’s only effective if your intent is pure; you do it out of love, or caring.
A good leader makes others be more than they believe possible.
If you agree with this perspective, what might you do differently with those you’re teaching, coaching, mentoring or parenting this week? Will you help them replace negative thoughts with a better vision of themselves?
